Greetings Golf Purists!

Perhaps you’ve been wondering where I’ve been these past several weeks. Flown off to warmer climes like some migratory swallow? Enjoying a bit of downhill hedonism in the Tyrolean Alps? Not bloody likely! You see, I’ve spent the better part of this winter deep under cover, hot on the trail of Titleist’s latest fiendish scheme to ruin golf. Behold the grim evidence below. A Bornean alter stacked with freshly harvested human heads couldn’t chill my blood the way that these grisly tributes to the wretched NXT do. The perverse excess! Is it really quite necessary, Titleist, to drown us all in your NXT Tours and NXT Extremes?

Apparently it is, dear supporters. What these surveillance photos show is that Titleist has taken the fight down to the grass roots level. Their underhanded strategy is to prey on unsuspecting golf professionals and shop clerks with promises of sales windfalls and happy, greedy returning customers. “Make us a pretty display full of NXT’s,” they say. “No not a display, a shrine, chock full of NXT false idols. No, not a shrine. Recreate the Great Pyramid at Giza and instead of limestone, have your slaves fabricate the blocks out of NXT dozen packages!”

Forgive these puppet shop-merchandizers, dear visitors, for they know not what they do. Instead, reserve your contempt for the big fish in this crime — the Arch Villain, Titleist and its twin henchmen, NXT Tour and NXT Extreme! Be vigilant because spring is upon us. Don’t get caught unawares as you return to your favourite golf shop, sleepy-eyed and full of hope for the new golf season. These NXT displays/exhibits/monoliths await and they sing the song of the sirens. Sail clear or you’ll meet your peril on the jagged rocks!

Emphatically yours,

Ian